Monday, January 25, 2010

Confussion and Epiphanies


I have this great story that relates to a few differant things that we have been talking about. Kevin's blog says, "For Mole, 'A great Awe fell upon him, an awe that turned his muscles to water, bowed his head, and rooted his feet to the ground.'" When I read this, I thought to myself, I've definately had an experience like that. It was an experience that I could never forget and when I tell the story I am able to remember every detail. Forgetfullness has not hindered this certain epiphany of mine.

When I was a freshman in high school, I was staying at a friend's house. We were up late watching a movie and when the movie ended it was about 3 a.m. She had a dog at the time and it was barking to be let outside. I got up opened the backdoor they had, which was a sliding glass door, and put the dog on the leash outside. Now, looking out her back window you would see her backyard and then a grove of thick trees. This particular night it was clear and there was a full moon and I remember it being very bright outside. I was watching her dog out the window waiting for it to finish its businness so I could bring it back inside and go to sleep. The dog, I noticed started to bark at something in the trees. When I looked up to see what it was, I was shocked, I couldn't move, it was as if my face was paralyzed. I saw a figure, the shape of a man, and the perfect profile of a man's face. Yet, it was grey and transperant and the figure glided, not walked, through the trees. I watched the man or ghost or whatever the entire time until it left my sight. I remember thinking reapetively, "please don't look over here" because I knew if he did he would see me starring directly at him. Also, the dog that was outside, was barking at the figure the entire time, and the dog too, was following the ghosts movement.


This experience I had has always haunted my thoughts. Everytime I hear a supernatural story, I think back on my experience. The ghost in Burnt Norton along with Kevin's blog reminded me of this story. I also feel that my interaction with something other worldly has left me confussed, a feeling, which I believe should be added to the definition of epiphany. In Chapter 7 of Wind in the Willows, Rat cannot speak, he cannot think of the right words to describe his experience. This is true of every big epiphany. Words cannot express one's feelings, because the ephiphany is, like my experience, otherworldly. An epiphany is perfect, a brief moment of godlike grandeur that presents itself to humanity. Humans are ultimately flawed, we make mistakes, thus words, which were created by man could never fully describe an ephiphany because man can never fully understand a moment of true perfection. This is why Dr. Sexson tells us to forget our epiphanies (with a wink and a nudge) because they are unattainable.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Home They Brought Her Warrior Dead


The Piper at the Gates of Dawn is the big epiphany in The Wind in the Willows. Their are other little epiphanies, such as in chapter 11, 'Like Summer Tempests Came His Tears.' Toad comes back from his great adventure and finds Toad hall overtaken. After Rat tells him that Mole and Badger have been camping outside the hall, Toad starts sobbing and sincerely realizes how ungratefully he has been. This is one of the epiphanies that Toad has that changes him into a humble toad. However, I brought up this chapter for any other reason. The chapters name is from a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson titled "Home They Brought Her Warrior Dead." The poem goes like this:

Home they brought her warrior dead:
She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All her maidens, watching, said,
'She must weep or she will die.'
Then they praised him, soft and low,
Called him worthy to be loved,
Truest friend and noblest foe;
Yet she neither spoke nor moved.
Stole a maiden from her place,
Lightly to the warrior stepped,
Took the face-cloth from the face;

Yet she neither moved nor wept.
Rose a nurse of ninety years,
Set his child upon her knee--
Like summer tempest came her tears--
'Sweet my child, I live for thee.'

I think the poem is connected to the chapter, but in a weird way. Toad returns home in this chapter, believing himself to be a warrior, but Toad is not dead (nor a true warrior), such is the warrior in the poem. I believe Toad is both the warrior and the mother. When Toad returns it is a part of himself that has to die in order to live peacefully in Toad Hall. He weeps for the carefree and childlike Toad that can never drive cars or give speeches again. Toad is so conceded that he plays both roles of the poem, it's pretty humorous.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The least important blog you'll ever read...


So I did something foolish. Tonight I worked a banquet for Gallatin Beef Producers, it was their annual Christmas/New Year banquet that they do every year at Riverside. At my table was the head honcho of the Galltatin Beef Producers, a sweet elderly man who didn't have any teeth left, thus he had to have his burger medium well. During dinner I asked how his burger was and he said delicious, then he said something that caught me off guard. He said, "I bet the people of Haiti wish they had a burger such as this," but what I heard was, "I bet the people of Hades wish they had a burger such as this." So, thinking he was joking and trying to be clever, I said, "Yeah, but they don't deserve it" (being the people belonging to Hades). I walked away with a proud "I'm funny" strut, all the while he thought I believed the poor people of Haiti did not deserve a good burger. Realizing what was actually said I found myself with an expression of horror. I, of course, went back and told him our miscommunication and we proceeded to talk about how awful the events in Haiti were.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The most important blog you'll ever read...

I just read in the syllabus that the first blog must be about my expectations and my English career; so I'm going to make it my second blog.
Now, I, like most women, do not enjoy talking about myself. However, if Dr. Sexson insist....it all started when I was 5 years old...(just kidding). My English career isn't one of much interest to others. When I was very young I found that I loved reading, even when I didn't understand exactly what I was reading. I have always enjoyed the classics (and would someday like to fill a rich mahogany library with all my leather bound books). I decided as a sophomore that instead of getting a degree in something I hated (biology) that would make me money, I would do something that I enjoyed and be a waitress on the side.
As for my expectations of this class, they're high. I really wanted to be in Dr. Sexson's capstone and I handed in my graduation papers very late. I believe that there is a fine line between persistence and annoyance and I definitely crossed it. The end result was of course getting into the class and the secretaries relief that I stopped calling. Last Spring semester I was in Dr. Sexson's greatest Oral Traditions class and coincidentally I wrote my last paper on the Four Quartets. Of course, to fully understand the quartets one needs to study them for years until old age and frustration overtakes their mind. I am excited to go over them again and hopefully solve a few mysteries that I struggled with last year.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Explaining my Blog Title

I chose the title "Between two waves of the sea" because, if you haven't guessed, it is from Little Gidding, which, by the end of the year, will be my groups specialty. The full verse is:

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea."

I felt that the title was appropriate because our class is about epiphanies and Eliot is describing a hidden truth only found in an unknown silence. Professor Sexson was talking in class (although it may have been in the emergent literature class) about returning to a time and place or deja vu. In the simplest of forms, Eliot is saying epiphanies can be found "between two waves of the sea." Hopefully as class progresses I can better dissect the meaning of Little Gidding, especially this verse since it is the one I am suppose to memorize.